RC Essentials: Scotty Rocker vs. Reality

Scotty vs Reality (kinda like a Mills & Boon)

As you may know, Scotty Rocker has accepted our request and added Reality Compound!!! So super mega uber happening or what?

But it hasn’t been without it’s dramas though, compound fans!!! Scotty has been quick to admonish us in the appropriate way to express our devotion for an idol of his stature, with respect and humility.

But it’s kinda like a Mills & Boon, where unbridled passions are often manifested early in the story, foreshadowing the turgid, lusty encounters to come.

NB: The producers would like to mention that Scotty has never made any indication whatsoever that he is a homosexual. Any reference to Scotty’s homosexuality is a mere projection of fantasy on the part of Reality Compound, and perhaps this guy Samwise, who suggested to us he might be.

Case in point:

Streetwise Scarlet (comment No. 261 / Nov 28, 2005)

I imagine Scotty has'nt added you because he is really struggling with his homosexuality at the moment and will most definately be trying to avoid all temptation.

Samwise.

TRANSCRIPTIONS AS FOLLOWS:

Sender: scottyrocker

Subject: dick

Body:

who are you? why you being a fuckhead? take my photo off your page and stop being an asshole. U want to make fun of me? come do it to my face. i like all sorts of music so me not adding you wouldnt be cos i didnt like your music. You calling me a homo? you sit on your computer and talk shit cos your a fuckin pussy.your the homo



Sender: Reality Compound


Hey Scott, bro.

I can see how you might have the wrong impression about our thoughts and actions towards you, and I’m sorry if we’ve upset you in any way. It was not our intention.

We are not Fuckheads. We are a bunch of guys who live in Grey Lynn and make hipster music.

I don’t think it is fair for you to ask us to remove your picture from our page. We have not doctored it or changed it in any way from how it appears on your page, and to be honest, would it be fair for Motley Crue to ask you to remove the picture of them from your page? Wouldn’t that come across a little mean-spirited? If you insist, we will consider it, but I don’t think we’re doing anything wrong.

We can’t stop being Assholes, Scotty, we are K rd Hipsters and it’s kinda what we’ve been doing for almost 12 years now. If you feel there is something on our page of a subjective nature that offends you personally, again we are willing to consider it seriously.

We are not making fun of you, that’s unfair. We’re all about supporting the local scene and real people who are a part of it, especially over an American equivalent. Our fan base is constituted mainly of teenage girls situated in New Zealand. We thought you would feel comfortable being projected as a sex symbol, especially as you represent a lot of ideals we respect such as a proud commitment to monogamy and your spiritual beliefs. We thought you would embrace this opportunity to raise your own profile, as well as that of the bands you play with.

And yes we will be coming to your face. Don’t worry about that. We are not ashamed or cowardly. Just let us warn you only this once that any inference to threats of a physical nature are pointless as we are not afraid of physical retribution, and our contempt for it will only incite us and worsen the situation for you.

It’s got nothing to do with our music. Our music is shit, everyone knows that. But we are scene aristocracy. Though our favours are spread thinly when it comes to Hardcore, might I remind you of our presence in the heady days of Balance and Pace Car, we are historians of ways local that are hip, and our archives sag heavy on the shelf. As for Emo . . . well the less said the better. Let there just be an unspoken knowledge between us, that our support will always lie with a New Zealander over an American equivalent. We have no axe to grind.

We never suggested you were a homosexual. This is the message we received:

Streetwise Scarlet (comment No. 261 / Nov 28, 2005)

I imagine Scotty has'nt added you because he is really struggling with his homosexuality at the moment and will most definately be trying to avoid all temptation.

Samwise.


We do not talk shit. Some of our bulletins may be irreverent or perhaps absurd, but are always well received wether on the subject of music, culture, the local scene, science, trivia, sex advice or what have you. We are not a fuckin pussy. A pussy is what Haezell found in her backyard. She called it “Albi” because it is a white one.

And YES, Scotty, if it wasn’t obvious, some of us here are HOMOSEXUALS. We’re sorry if that offends you, but just think that generally we would find homophobia of any form quite abhorrent, and while we cannot claim that we respect your views on homosexuality, we understand and tolerate this as part of your spiritual beliefs. Just remember that homosexuals are people to, and don’t deserve to be victimised for their sexual preferences.

I hope this clears up our position, we honestly felt that the ironic take on yourself you project as this band scene pin up boy was really well done, and a deft touch of profiling. we look forward to meeting with you and seeing your bands play in the new year.

I hope you will be willing to contribute songs, pictures, video or any written copy/statement for our local scene Reality Compound DVD coming in late Jan/Early Feb.

All the best,

Evil Robot
(custodian)

Reality Compound
Style Over Substance
The Further

Philosophy of Scotty Rocker as interpreted by RC

IMPORTANT!!! REMEMBER to watch and learn from Scotty!!! -

"I’m a poser? No shit."

- People don’t look in photos how they look in real life. Make sure you look better in your photos than you do in real life, not worse!

"I used to like eating lots of pies but i ended up getting fat so i went on a diet and became super cut and super good looking."

- Be cut and good looking. Don’t be fat and gross.

"i have an SUPER amazing girlfriend in the whole wide world!!"

- Have a hot gf/bf. Make sure they are not ugly or fat.

"Your[sic] not even worthy of an infomercial. You also try too hard to attract attention to yourself so your[sic] the LAST thing television needs."

- People who try to attract attention to themselves will NEVER make it to Celebrity Treasure Island.

"i promise you next time i see you its not going to be good. You have fucked me of[sic] to[sic] many times. take my picture off your site."

- Don’t put Scotty’s picture on your page. He will tell Tom on you, and get his friend George to beat you up.


SUPERSIZE MY REALITY: THE STORY OF THE COMPOUND

ALRIGHT!!! When avant garde performance artists and Electrotrash iconoclasts Style Over Substance finally got their very own profile on Myspace, having to bunk up with Shoegazing The Further left them less than impressed:

"We sing about a future where we all have micro chips in our brains. These soppy radges are still bleating on about some bird who upped sticks on them three years ago."

That’s when the boys discovered the myspace of Reality TV star, Drummer and celebrity SCOTTY ROCKER who said "I’m a poser? No shit." And from then were inspired to embrace the fakecore emo scene, dressing like personality deficient, brain dead 15 year old scenewhores who’d do anything . . . JUST TO MAKE FRIENDS.

All RC acts are managed and overseen by scurrilous DJ/Producer/writer Romantech who says "Who gives a fuck if it’s a joke? I need to be getting my boys some gigs. My people ain’t eatin’. Y’all gotta break me off a lil’ summin’ summin’."

KEEPING IT FAKEXCORE
Life may have made you bitter, ugly, stupid, humourless, poor etc. but thats no excuse not to make an effort to get people to like you. Don’t worry, no one wants to know the real you. Just pretend there isn’t one, you’ll be fine. Always act like you know. Don’t pretend you know, just act like it. When in doubt just say, "I know". Trust me on this.

What if someone asks you a question? Again, just say "I know" as if the answer to that question is so obvious, it has no meaning. For example:

Matt’s Mum: "When are you going to tidy your room?"

Matt: "I know, mum."

Classic myspace bulletin 40: R.C. as "the O.C."

New televised drama: “The R.C.”


In this spin off from the original “Reality Compound” series, the lovably pretentious hipsters find themselves in Orange County where they are taken in by the rich white Americans who live there.

The boys are crushed to discover the series revolves principally around the parents of the teens - good god! Who get drunk and variously abuse, slap and throw drinks in each others faces. They are aghast to discover their contract stipulates “no simulating of sex with any inanimate surface, wether horizontal or vertical, seizures, robot dancing or the use of food props as costuming, or vice versa” and promptly storm off set, much to the chagrin of Matt from The Further, who expected to perform an acoustic version of his new emo/bedwetter hit “Eyes like the Rain” on the show, and subsequently developed as a love interest for one of the pretty skinny girls.

So concluding successful talks with their lawyers, see the RC crew in action once again in their next forthcoming vehicle:

“America’s next top fuckwit.”


I think we'd better let Matt sing his song anyway though, don't you?


Eyes like the rain
Falling
Down

Eyes like the rain
Falling
To the ground

I look in your eyes
The rain is falling down
I'm lying on the floor
The hair covers my face

Eyes like the rain
Falling
Down

Eyes like the rain
Falling
To the ground

I look outside
The rain is falling down
I look in your eyes
But the hair covers your face

Eyes like the rain
Falling
Down

Eyes like the rain
Falling
To the ground

To the ground

To the floor

Down

To the ground

Classic myspace bulletin 39: About what you said

About what you said . . .

I know what you're doing.

So stop it.

I've seen what's been going on. And I mean it. I'm not saying this to anybody else, and I know what you're thinking, but you can say what you like. It's not gonna wash with me. It's not happening. Not on MY space, bucko. So you can just take your medicine and calm the fuck down.

You think I wanted all this?

You think I wanted it like this?

I wanted to be happy, but YOU wanted it like this! Last time we spoke, what did we say? That's right. But look now, here we are again.

You, and me.

Same old FUCKING story. Read the movie, saw the book, it's all the fucking same isn't it? you don't think about me?

You don't even know who I am!

I'm just this huge nothing to you!

YOU DON'T FUCKING THINK ABOUT ME!!!!

Sometimes I swear you wish I was dead. That's how you feel isn't it? The way you look at me, I swear . . .

Well I'm not FUCKING dead.

And you're not getting rid of me that easy. You can fuck yourself, because you just don't do that to people.

What are you trying to achieve? You think you can just change everything now? After . . . everything?

Look, it's finished, forget about it, just give it up. Do us both a favour. You can't win this one. Don't even bother.

It's over.

RCTV #1

http://nz.youtube.com/user/RealityCompound

Finally RC makes thier very first video blog for RCTV!!!
After unsuccessfully attempting to entice friendly but un cooperative house pet Steve the Cat in to cutesy animal video fun, the team set off to town to see if Emo is still funny, leading to a chance traffic light encounter with actor Robbie Magasiva, who famously tipped me in a rubbish bin as witnessed in the feature film "Sione's Wedding".

Robbie was able to speed off and despite the team rolling in the beamer in a manner that would surely outpace the lowly paid actor in his stationwagon, I chose to let him go.

After loosening up a little at the viaduct, Matt takes full emo flight leading to the discovery of a strange and powerful cave where he attempts to manifest into a omnipotent supreme being and rampage across Auckland in revenge for not getting laid that much during university.

Unfortunately security swoops in at the key moment and prevents the awesome supreme manifestation and ensuing rampage from being filmed.

Matt rampages to the top of the escalator before realising his team have been subdued, and the moment left tragically undocumented - matt soon discovers that dressed as a 15 year old emo his usual unassailable confidence offers him no favours this night with the ladies.

This video blog features the song "Scene Fuck (live jam)" which was written and recorded live over a year ago by Matt and his friends featuring Aidan Sine from Catguts.