Classic myspace bulletin 30: Important myspace sex talk for young ladies

Important Sex talk for young ladies.


I need myspace. Because its the internet, its the land of the free, and all of that.

Its also summer here in our part of the world (and Friday night) and exams are all done so theres gonna be a lot of people with a lot of time on their hands thinking gosh, a good hard shag would hit the spot right about now!

And what better place than myspace to peruse all the spunky young things, and spark up a little flirty banter! Given our multitudes of sexy young female fans matched with our rich tapestry of wit, knowledge, experience and wisdom, it has come quite prominently to our attention the surprising friskiness of many young ladies.

Just because we are funny and smart and know what to say to women, it doesnt guarantee that we are not old, ugly, naughty, and basically wanting to nip out on our Missus for a bit of a poke with some sexy young bit of fluff that we can just discard like a bad hand of poker. And you dont want to be the one keying up his car in the middle of the night, do you? You want to snuggling up to a nice boy who can sit through a whole fucking Olivia Newton John musical without needing to fondle your tits.

Girlsies must remember that boysies love nothing more than getting to have sex with a real live girl. So if youre wondering does he want to have sex with me? unless they have another girl in their life or on their mind, 99% its gonna be a yes. No matter what or who theyve done, boys will always wonder exactly what you yourself have in your pants, like it is a glorious mystery. The trick is to get them caring about whats in your head before you show them what you have in your pants.

Indeed, the tricky part is that if youre letting a boy realise his masculinity perfectly and completely by finding a heaven better than any drug between your legs, he should at least be making the effort to do something nice for you EVERYDAY, no matter how small.

Because if he doesnt do this, hes probably just waiting for someone thinner and with bigger tits to come along. If youre okay with that than youre okay with that as long as youre sure youre okay with that. Most boys will be super okay with that, but you should still make it perfectly clear from the outset that you also have physical needs as a woman, and this DOES NOT make you a slut, or his girlfriend. Otherwise youll be the one getting your car keyed up.

Having physical needs as a 21st century woman means that if you need more than your man can deliver, he should be willing to get down there like a Doberman in the trenches and finish the job. Otherwise tell him to go back to the 80s and look for a girlfriend.



THE AGE CALCULATOR:

Men like sexy young girls. Sexy young girls like an older man who knows what hes doing. Thats the way it is. Team RC has developed this special age calculator to be loosely applied.

(Girls age 10) > (Boys age 10) divided by 2.

Alex is 16. Knowledgeable Individual is 25.

( - 10 on both sides) :

Alex is 6 and Knollie is 15

(divide the boys age in half):

Alex is 6 and Knollie is 7.5

Even though Knollie is allowed to round down to 7, he still has a higher score than alex, and shouldnt really be meeting her in the park with a hip flask of gin.

But you might love this person, in which case the RC age compatibility calculator goes out the window. So how is a girl to know her significantly older man really feels for her, and doesnt just think youre his bit of fluff? Well, have you met his best buddies? Any of his family? Does he do PDAs* ? Hmmmmm . . .

Chances are he loves your hot young teenage body but the moment he meets a girl who he can go to bars with and show off to his mates . . . oh-oh . . .

Tips for hooking up on myspace

Phase 1: Internet mackin

Remember why do you need to tell everyone on myspace your second name or which school you go to? You dont. Naughty clever boys use that information to find you and rock up like a stranger who just happens to like all the bands you do.

Just because a boy says damn your[sp] hot, hit me back doesnt mean he is not romantic. Just because he doesnt it doesnt mean he's only typing with his left hand as he talks to you.

Every girl should know that you gotta make your boy work for it.

- A boy who will keep up banter for over a week may not just be looking for a quick one wherever he can get it. A boy who chats for over a month MIGHT just be a keeper.

- Does he continually wind your dial with sexy talk? Does he talk about your tits or any other part of your body like it was your possession, as if you werent attached to it? Bad sign.

- Does he ask too many where questions? Tell him he only gets two, if any.

- Does he talk to you about your favourite music, your job, your family, your pets, your favourite things? Thats more like it.



But as its summer, and youre a young woman with needs, and youre not getting any younger, lets look at how you can be safe. I dont need to talk about birth control because if you dont know all about that than you should just stop reading here and forget it.

Remember 99.99% of boys have no desire to lock you in there basement. The question is wether the outcome for you is to lock yourself in their mind so youve at least got a chance when that thinner one with the bigger tits comes along, because she always does!


Phase 2: The Hook Up.

If you are going to meet a boy he MUST have at this point supplied you with a clear photo that he claims is himself. If you meet him and thats not him no need to jump from a moving vehicle, but youll know its time to hit the brakes and change gears. A boy may only be lying because he is insecure. But boys who lie will still have to undergo a stand down period.

You should never elaborate too much about your plans. If youre going out to meet a boy just to fuck him senseless, he doesnt need to know that. Young men can become very excitable and loose blood flow to the brain, thus behaving erratically. But certainly dont assume he will bring protection.

Remember this the 21st century, girls, you are in control of your bodies and your destiny. No one ever got pregnant by putting it in their mouth. If your boy really wants to be happy,and you really want to make your boy happy, then this will probably make him very happy. But never do anything you don't want to do.

Don't get pissed. Don't take any drugs, not the first time! Don't take anything he gives you. this is very important. I wouldn't even ride in his car the very first time you see him. Why not just tell him you'd like to have a nice talk/kiss/blow job/sex somewhere safe and convenient and that just that would be nice? I'm sure he would think that was very nice.

First hook up should always be made at a public place. You should know that. If youre too young or not really into dating, why not tag along with his friends, boys are much naughtier when they know their mates arent around to give them shit about what a Telly motherfucker* or "rapist" they are.

If youre positive that you will not be having sex with this guy the first time you meet him, why not take a friend? A second opinion is always good, if he really likes you, he wont mind, and if he starts making eyes at your friend, youll know hes no good, and if your friend runs off with him, youll find out theyre both no good!

A good trick to be safe that we like is to make a boy give you his phone number by reference to its listing in the telephone directory, which includes his address, so that you might perhaps a day or two later ring the number to check he is telling the truth, before you meet him. Then when you do go to meet him, you can pass those details on to your mother, or sister, or best friend, and tell them you are going for a pleasant meeting with a boy and these are his details. If you are SECRETLY planning to go back to his place for wild sex, tell your mother/sister/friend to expect a call by a certain time.

No man will think of you as a slut, if you pander to his ego by elaborating on the theme that only he is sexually irresistible to you. He will think he is special to you, thus making him feel like a man and you will become special to him.

I THINK WERE GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT GETTING THOSE CLAWS IN AND HOLDING ON TO YOUR MAN AT ANOTHER POINT.

BUT WHEN WE FIND THOSE If you dont got the rubba, therell be no hubba hubba FUCKTARDS THERES GONNA BE RETRIBUTION IN THE VEIN OF SOME CARS GETTING SERIOUSLY KEYED UP FOR THEIR MORONICALLY ILL-CONCEIVED AWARENESS CAMPAIGN. ANYONE WHO CAN HELP US OUT WITH INFORMATION ON WHERE WE CAN FIND THESE PEOPLE, SHOULD GET IN TOUCH.



*Kids (1995) by Larry Clarke. A very, very important movie for everyone to watch. Especially if you think thirteen dealt with issues. Like, whatever. Fuck off.