Millie Holmes vs. Powdered Tiger Penis - update

Just an update from me I had to ease up work was killing me, slaving all day over a hot tiger penis!!

Oh - who the hell am I and why am I on your friends list? I’m Matt from RC. I’m like a big deal on myspace. I used to write these dumb fuckin bulletins and pick up chicks now I just pull all these strings in the background for the benefit of anyone who can afford my exorbitant fees, grinding on powdered tiger penis served in a ginseng green tea, and dreaming of my dumb fuckin Reality Compound TV show where I go round being a stupid annoying fuck and everyone loves me.

But when Ambrozia walked back onto myspace and then deleted me from her life again it hit me hard, hooked on powdered tiger penis, caught up in the madness, one day a small player on the tiger penis scene, the next, part of something that was bigger than me. Bigger than RCTV. Bigger than penis pills from websites with names that make no sense. Bigger than profile trackers and $500 gift vouchers.

Possibly even bigger than Nigeria.

But not bigger than Myspace. The spam had to stop. And as the Titans of Myspace and Fox went head to head with the world’s most powerful spamlords, could one tigers penis stand astride in this maelstrom????

May 21st 2007: After meeting maverick webmaster, raver, convicted drug dealer, free porn advocate and celebrity spambuster Lolo (www.myspace.com/burntpickle ), Tom Anderson of myspace instigated an intensive security campaign to rid myspace of spammers for good - he who once who said of friendster upon his ownage of them:

“They had no room for fakesters” says founder Tom Anderson. “If a dog or a city or an idea had a page, they would delete it. People said, I’m going to go to MySpace. I can do what I want there.”

And so from this day, Tom too would own and vanquish the spammers, driving them from myspace, with fuckin annoying captcha codes, the triumphs of ’06, those heady days of fakexcore a hollow cry, and I clinging desperately to my tigers penis and a dream that one day I too would be famous and would be able to laugh at everyone who was ever mean to me.


In this weeks episode we find our hero Matt RC in deepest India searching for the secret source of the magical tiger penis. The raw power of its mighty thrust.

My man Mitul all up in Bangalore, he connects to my boy Santhos. Got a little 3 piece rock outfit going on. Want make big famous in America. That’s why he’s lucky they got me, and while they oversee the establishment of RC’s first powdered tiger penis processing plant on site in Bangalore on our behalf - using only the finest tigers penises prepared by clean and well fed labour - I’m trying to work out how in fuck I’m going to make this Indian rock shit massive with the kids on Be- Myspace. I got Magnus, Tuut, Luut and all the gang gagging for the tiger schlong, you can’t fuckin imagine how much those crazy Scandinavians will put down for a good piece of tigger dick. All the whale blubber in Norway. Hey its not the blubber I want. If you’ve got exotic cock then I wanna grind it into powder and make that paper.

You see all I care about is having a hot girlfriend. And all girls care about is having a boyfriend who's cashed up, it's true I heard it in a Black Eyed Peas song. I love the 21st century.

But I'm a man of ideals. Thats why every cent goes to keeping the dream of RCTV and the story of the Tiger Penis Kids alive. You can now JOIN the Tiger Penis Kids official myspace page! Free Millie Holmes!!!

www.myspace.com/tigerpeniskids

That’s whats wrong with this country. We don’t want Millie Holmes NOT to be on TV, we want the opposite of Millie Holmes being not on TV; We want Jason Gunn back on the crack where he belongs at primetime getting fucked off his dial “Milling about” with Ms. Holmes, and don’t you dare say mean things about because I will address the issue by striking you across the jaw, as obviously me and Millie Holmes powercoupling it would be so hot it would cause Auckland to burn up in a nuclear fireball in which thereafter no life would flourish in the area for 500 years.

I'm DJing at Foci in Beresford Sq. again on Saturday so pop your head in you wanna no what a REAL guy who pretends to be a star looks like.