Saturday, April 12, 2008

Philosophy of Scotty Rocker as interpreted by RC

IMPORTANT!!! REMEMBER to watch and learn from Scotty!!! -

"I’m a poser? No shit."

- People don’t look in photos how they look in real life. Make sure you look better in your photos than you do in real life, not worse!

"I used to like eating lots of pies but i ended up getting fat so i went on a diet and became super cut and super good looking."

- Be cut and good looking. Don’t be fat and gross.

"i have an SUPER amazing girlfriend in the whole wide world!!"

- Have a hot gf/bf. Make sure they are not ugly or fat.

"Your[sic] not even worthy of an infomercial. You also try too hard to attract attention to yourself so your[sic] the LAST thing television needs."

- People who try to attract attention to themselves will NEVER make it to Celebrity Treasure Island.

"i promise you next time i see you its not going to be good. You have fucked me of[sic] to[sic] many times. take my picture off your site."

- Don’t put Scotty’s picture on your page. He will tell Tom on you, and get his friend George to beat you up.


ALRIGHT!!! When avant garde performance artists and Electrotrash iconoclasts Style Over Substance finally got their very own profile on Myspace, having to bunk up with Shoegazing The Further left them less than impressed:

"We sing about a future where we all have micro chips in our brains. These soppy radges are still bleating on about some bird who upped sticks on them three years ago."

That’s when the boys discovered the myspace of Reality TV star, Drummer and celebrity SCOTTY ROCKER who said "I’m a poser? No shit." And from then were inspired to embrace the fakecore emo scene, dressing like personality deficient, brain dead 15 year old scenewhores who’d do anything . . . JUST TO MAKE FRIENDS.

All RC acts are managed and overseen by scurrilous DJ/Producer/writer Romantech who says "Who gives a fuck if it’s a joke? I need to be getting my boys some gigs. My people ain’t eatin’. Y’all gotta break me off a lil’ summin’ summin’."

Life may have made you bitter, ugly, stupid, humourless, poor etc. but thats no excuse not to make an effort to get people to like you. Don’t worry, no one wants to know the real you. Just pretend there isn’t one, you’ll be fine. Always act like you know. Don’t pretend you know, just act like it. When in doubt just say, "I know". Trust me on this.

What if someone asks you a question? Again, just say "I know" as if the answer to that question is so obvious, it has no meaning. For example:

Matt’s Mum: "When are you going to tidy your room?"

Matt: "I know, mum."

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