unposted october rant

THIS IS A UNPOSTED RANT FROM OCTOBER. IT'S A BIT RANTY BUT WHATEVER. MAYBE YOU'RE BORED. HEY, I DUNNO WHAT YOU DO FOR KICKS.

Okay uhhh the fact that my star is back on the rise I can afford to be a little less candid about tiger penis activities.

I don’t give a fuck I mean with all the things I’ve said I never got beaten up and I never got ambrozia back either but hey. At least I make more money than you do.

well actually - as it turns out – I wrote this last night and I got woken by call this first thing this morning (well round 12ish) that instability on the tiger penis market has PUSHED PRICES UP ANOTHER 50%.

Can you fuckin believe it? Sweet jesus and all the angels!!!

Anyway . . .

Did you know that the Bleeders have a new album out!!! Go buy it NOW. Download the new single free:

http://www.myspace.com/bleedersmedia

. . . y'know I really want one of those red bull fridges. I mean sure, I get naked pictures of celebrities forwarded to me now, but when you're really a big player in the industry they give you a red bull fridge that they come and fill up every week. I'd still drink V, but still, you always notice all the players have these red bull fridges all like "wanna red bull? Wanna take one with you?". I wanna fucking red bull fridge.

Oh and you can catch me guesting by streaming on the “beat dungeon” upfm.dj every Sunday 4-6. Where I try to be funny and shit and DJ fuckin all kinds of Drum’n Bass and Electro and downbeat and Whitney Houston and Prince and whatever the fuck I want, basically, just not emo and shit.

I'm also having some problems with some court proceedings against me from this fucker in Avondale so if there's anyone keen to bust this guys face open to send a message that you do not fuck with the Tiger Penis Kids, please get in touch.

On top of that theres this local band Cyanide City who owe me money and I’m sure you’ll be leaving a little drool patch to hear things are about to go pear shaped and the dark side of the tiger penis about to rear its ugly head there also.

But I don’t want to hear about it!

Im riding high on the crest, I aint touchin down on that "new messages" button. I ain't!

I'll let you know when I'm ready to recieve your audience.

But if you’re some hot young shallow bitch who wants to date some rich guy who’s cool on the internet add me to msn - i'lll let you know I'm approved to pick up the new beamer. Nothing screams of desperation for acknowledgement like a BMW.:

realitycompound@hotmail

oh or if you wanna help with the tv show. otherwise just shut up and listen.

These cunts owe me $400 man, and what have we already learnt? Being a poor broken ass fuck does not lend itself to scenely supremacy – I don’t care about all you fuckin hippies and all you straight up and down bitches from the suburbs in your little pulsars who think you’re looking for something more like you just stepped out of fucking American beauty – because that’s $400 I’m further away from my next Beamer – which is gonna look well good wrapped around a ponsonby lamp post with a dead model hanging out of the windscreen.

I’ve never used the tiger penis for harm. Like when I sold drugs back in uni and people owed me money I’d just send some big ass scary fucker to go round to their house to make sure they paid.

Being master of the Tiger Penis is a great responsibility, almost god like, knowing you have such powers to fucking break these guys over $400. I'm not going soft on this. I just want it sorted.

Cunts owe me cash, and if I’m gonna get a shallow and ridiculously hot bitch like ambrozia back on my arm – that’s gonna take more than some pathetic fuck with only a few grand here and there in the bank and my share portfolio looking the way it is.

So I’m trying to conduct serious tiger penis business at the top levels of society and shitty little fuckin Wellington fucks are getting all worked up over some pissy shit because I cant solve all the worlds problems with one sweep of my tigers penis.

But the good reputation of the tiger penis is of deepest concern to my continued affairs, and begrudgingly I must sprinkle a little tiger penis loving on those ungrateful fucks so that the good name of the mighty RC Tiger Penis remains holy and sacred to all those who know it is to be respected and feared.

Wellington. I seriously fuckin hate Wellington now. They’ve been dissing me down there. Like its Auckland attitude, but it’s a little shithole. You can either be cool and live in Auckland, probably on a decent earn, or live in the South Island with all the other poor white hicks borrowing cups of sugar off each other and making pikelets and seeing how many you can hang off each others cocks. But not Wellington, I mean seriously? Whats there to be pretentious about? It's a shithole!

Okay I’m off again. Just keeping things alive on the RC page while we’re waiting to begin implementing the second chapter of the RC history book.