Not that my old blogs are nothing short of embarrasing - well thats what I focus on, but I accept it, I accept that embarrasing blog posts are part of reality, I know I'm being analytical and retrogressive . . . but really! Going on about Bart killing himself, I never even met the guy IRL. I forgive myself. I was experimenting.
There were just raw experimentations of what this vehicle was to become. I experimented with using some guy I never mets suicide. Oh well. No one knows.
And I was all cocky about how duplicitious I was toward Scotty, how pathetic. But I was developing and playing with a concept. I was creating the raw elements of the ideas that have now been refined into yet another state from which it will evolve.
At which point some of this will be embarrasing. What if I don't get the girl? And I've got a picture of that cold hearted cow Camille on my page!
(I'm very image conscious. Or; analysis is my preferred coping, reasoning and bargaining method.)
Hmmm. It's part of the story.
This IS Reality.
But is it art or gratification? It's art as gratification.
but UHHH umthis is MY blog and I can do whatever f{}ck I like. Because I'm like developing. And everyone will be like "look at him rambling and raving and even RANTING in his old blogs!"
I'm sketching. I'm riffing here!
And I wont care. It's my reality and I'm doing what I want with it.
And I would like to . . .
get the girl in the end, and put it on TV.
I believe in streamling, I believe in the concept of a unified creative entity as a vehicle for everything I need to say. I see TV (when I say TV I mean videography - youtube etc.) as the broadest base to work from. So lets ask the question before we get to the answer. That is . . . what am I trying to say.
WHAT IS THE SHOW ABOUT.
I am definately trying to get the girl. And I am definately trying to say something.
Okay I think we got that. Lets try again. What are you trying to say?
That there is a need for me to get the girl and there is a need for me to have something to say and we're going to examining that in a broader uhhh hypercultural context of social and sexual economics.
Let me see. It's a personalised social critique.
And its a dramatized social critique and it is stylistically gratuitous and indulgent, and that is the conciousness of the statement that is being made. Now thats enough bloody chit chat. lets get on with it.
We can pick the analytical bones later, I should really save my energy for the backlash. And addressing the issues that matter to people other than me. i mean y'never know, those may be the ones that actually do.
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